Piss and Vinegar

We have a new member of our family. Her name is Charlie. Charlie is a 10 week old black lab puppy. She has puppy breath and the softest fur you could ever imagine. She bites with her little razor teeth, but usually only the kids. (So, I am safe?) She loves to go outside and roll around in the grass, and chase butterflies and run so her floppy little ears bounce in the wind. She is sweet and shiny and loved so much.....but you know what? The damn thing won't piss or shit outside. I mean, we will be out there for 20 to 25 minutes with her....she'll prance inside and squat on my beloved black plaid carpet. Holy Hell.

I should probably back up and tell you that we don't have a fenced in yard. We have an invisible fence and a doggy door, so when she is old enough to train, she will have 24 hr access to the yard.....but at the moment, we have to stay outside with her. Which is irritating. Especially when she decides to pee on black carpet. Wanna know what sucks about black carpet? You can't see wet spots....so, usually I find the wet spots with my feet. I spend all day chasing dog around, because I am waiting for her to squat. The rest of the main floor is tile or wood floors....so does she piss on a hard surface? No, she goes for the absorbant, beloved, black plaid carpet. I sop up piss with paper towels, clean the floor, and then shoot up the pad with a syringe full of white vinegar (it cuts urine smell...oh, and I also have a special padding that doesn't absorb liquids...so I got THAT going for me) So, basically, I spend my days chasing Charlie with paper towels, Resolve and a syringe. I hope to God I never answer the door with the syringe in my hand?

Poop. Now, call me crazy....but I'd rather her just poop in the house. First of all, it's solid and doesn't leave any residue. It doesn't absorb into the carpet. But it stinks to high heaven. I mean how could such a huge smell come out of a little ass......and that's another one of my hobbies: watching her pink eye to see if it starts to protrude...that's when you know she's about to blow. What has my life come to?

Piss and vinegar.