It's Labor Day weekend, and while everyone is planning bar-b-ques and beach/pool outings and celebrating Monday off...I am panicking about the pool in my parents subdivision closing.
I don't know if you people realize....but when I am tan, I look 30 lbs lighter and 6 inches taller. I need to be tan. I need to lie out and fry my precious skin. It's a sickness and I have not found a 12 step program for this. I have to be near a pool to get maximum tanning. I cannot lie in my backyard. I can't even get down to the beach, because my previously broken foot doesn't work well on sand. Actually, it sucks. I look like an elephant waddling and clomping. Not a pretty sight.
I seriously am going to have to start spray tanning or fake baking. Which brings me to another problem. Do you tan the areas that are usually covered by your bathing suit? I am cringing at the thought of having to lift my fat bags for the sprayer person to spray my belly....and the claustrophobic tanning booths freak me out with the handle bars on the ceiling.....oh, and you know what else irks me? You have to PAY for this kind of tan....as if!
"Maybe" I should just lose 30 lbs and embrace my paleness.....who am I kidding? Holy Hell.....
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