It's Always About The Strippers

So...I've not blogged in some time. For many reasons. One part is that I've just not been feeling the funny. Life is pissing me off. It's hard to be vulgar and funny and when you're just not feeling it. Okay....I'm feeling the vulgarity...but not the funny. Whatever.... Another part is that Donna writes about dogs fucking and all other types of nonsense and really....who can compete with that? Honestly...what can I possibly write about that would topple that mound of insanity?

So....I'll just write about my daily life and hope it at least entertains a person or three....so here it goes.

My day started out with my friend Foti....a.k.a. Fake Date Foti...He's like, well, the guy who invites me out to events that his regular trampy girls can't clean up well enough for. Me? I'll doll up....extend a hand...behave myself...and then all is good. EVERYONE needs a fake date....and I'm your girl.

So Foti was experiencing his first trip on the South Shore Train line to Chicago...he was off to his first game ever at Wrigley Field. So looking forward to it -- and what happened? Well the train hit a car....he calls me at approximately 9-ish and says...."Nance...I'm looking out of the window of the train...and the ass of the car is under the train car. You may have to drive me to Chicago."

My response? No fucking way...get a shuttle..unless there is a promise of dinner and a handsome man involved at the end of this journey...I'm SO not on this journey.

In the interim, my son Jack called. He's 16...working in Chicago half of the week as a life guard and living my nephew. Here's the deal: Jack: "Mom...I just got hit by a car." Me: "Ummmm Jack...shut the fuck up...that's not funny."

Bottom line is that he broke ONE TOE. ONE!!! Who in the hell gets hit by a car and only breaks one toe....What the Fuck...

So Foti...He sat for 2 hours on the unmoving train....and eventually got on his merry way......arrived in Chicago ..... And then...

He called and said he wanted to go to a strip club...and would I find one for him as he doesn't know Chicago at all. Sooooo....being the good Fake Girlfriend that I am? What did I do? I GOOGLED this shit...I googled strip clubs....I looked at pics of naked strippers...I determined that some are better than others....and then chose one for Foti....the most expensive one...cuz I'm a bitch and Foti needs to appreciate what I do....damnit!!!

It'a been a stressful day...but in the end? It's always about strippers...