Ass Biting

Yes, I did hobble down three flights of stairs...but Nancy forgot to mention the other stairs I went down to get out of that place. Oh my. It would have been fine except for the audience I had behind me watching me the whole way down. That visit was probably not the smartest idea, but Nanner was a peach in wanting to get me out and to a pool with my kidlets...I just don't think we expected all of Chicago and it's surrounding suburbs to be there with all of their half naked children...and the waitress would walk by us and never notice our empty glasses. Oh well, I'm beginning to not resemble the color of paper, anymore...so I got that going for me.

Then I go home, at 3pm mind you....and my husband asks if I want to have an early dinner. The kids, of course, are all over that....and we sit down by 4:15 for our fare. Now, in the back of my head I am thinking this little scenario is gonna bite me in the ass, somehow.....I then proceed to crawl my way up my wood stairs....did I mention the fucking callouses that have formed on my knee from doing this for 3 months....to sit in a chair and iron for an hour and a half. Iron? Yeah. Iron? Yeah, I iron. Kid's uniforms, husband's 100 golf shirts, sheets, pillowcases...stop smirking...I finally take an uninterrupted shower and flop myself into my bed....where I stupidly decide to watch "The Best Thing I Ever Ate" on the Food Network...this is where the ass biting occurs: I watch this show where people are talking about jerkey and ceasar salad and these croissant-like things made with butter and sugar and donut cupcakes and nachos.....do you see where this is going? So, I text my husband...so much easier that way, don't knock it, and I convince him to go get ice cream on a Saturday night during a holiday weekend at 8:30pm.....So there I was, at 9:15, sitting in my bed scarfing down moosetracks ice cream....and snoring by 9:45. What a vision....

5:45 this morning...wishing I had some sort of hunting weapon to shoot at the damn birds that like to whistle, chirp and mock me from the tree outside the window on my side of the bed. I know it's nature, and beautiful and so much better to listen to that a gang fight or a drug bust....but, geesh, can't a gimp get some sleep? I have stairs to conquer, today.....