Fat Bags

I have bodacious ta tas. I'm not bragging, I am simply stating a fact. I do not like them. In fact, I hate them. They get in the way and they're high maintenance. I don't see what the big fascination is about them and why there are millions of stupid names for them....torpedos, fun bags, money makers, chi chis, cha chas, humpty dumplings...oh, and my favorite? Jugs. That was my nickname when I was 13....Jugs. Can you imagine walking down the hallway in Jr High School and having guys yell out "Hey, Jugs!" Holy Hell. I don't care what you call them, in all actuality they're just 5 lbs of fat with a nipple on them...well, in my case 10.

They're high maintenance, too. When you are bigger than a DD, you have to order your bras off of websites that are either porn related or ugly, fat people related. Seriously, what would be scarier than seeing a huge ass set of knockers coming at you in a leopard print bra? Grrrr....While I'm ordering my brassieres from overtheshoulderboulderholder.com....the itty-bitty-titty committee girls are going into their local Victoria's Secret to buy some cute bra that comes with a "cutlet" you can stuff into it(the only cutlet you'll see this girl with is the veal on my dinner plate)and straps the size of dental floss. The straps on my bra are so wide, you could use them as racetracks for your Hotwheels or Matchbox cars.

And they're heavy.....you better not be close when I peel my bra off....they usually hit the floor with a thump. I throw them back over my shoulders if I need to walk anywhere. Or sometimes, I just tuck them into my pants...I swear one day I will be hunched over enough that I will eventually be bent in half at the waist permantly...

Oh, and lets talk about sex with big tits....so, I have learned, the hard way, that I need to keep a brassiere on during sex whilst "on top"....(since a hard helmut and hockey goal keepers mask is not appropriate bedroom attire)....I got a concussion AND a black eye the last time I rode my cowboy. Yee Haw...ouch.