Chips and FIPS

Where should I start? I know....let's talk about the mass consumption of potato chips I seem to have started this summer. I swear to God my lips are swollen because of the salt that has entered the cracks in my bulbous lips from the sunburn I continuously get from my lack of sunscreen applying ability.....I think I'm going to blame my bloated stomach and face on the salt consumption, too. What in the hell is wrong with me? I'll tell you what's wrong with me...I have an addiction to Hawaiian onion Krunchers...and cool ranch Doritos......and then I wash down those chips with Diet Coke....which is basically sodium water. It's a vicious cycle....and it won't slow down for me to get off.....(and as I am writing this, I am waiting for hubby to get home with Chinese food...Hello? MSG?)

So, now that I am out of chips and almost Diet Coke (which is the nectar of God, as far as I am concerned)...this means I will have to visit WallyWorld. That is the armpit of Michigan City....fuck me. I am really starting to appreciate Nanner's snobby excuse that she hates to cross 12.....I swear to God that everytime I go there, I spend the entire time shaking my head in disbelief....there must be some sort of whistle or siren or some sound that is emitted from speakers atop of this WalMart that only the most fucked-up pajama wearing, no bra whilst in a dirty white see-thru t-shirt wearing, dirty Sponge Bob slippers shuffling, NASCAR t-shirt with cut off sleeves so you can see nasty pit hair clad, thong peaking out off muffin topped jeans (WTF?) women screaming at their foot pajamed-clad kiddies can hear....blech.....or I could go to grocery store down the street and spend $45 on 2 bags of chips and a 12 pack of DC......

But if I go to that store...then I have to deal with the snobby FIPs....for all of you non-LB types...FIP stands for Fucking Illinois People....this is the swarm of summer people that invade Long Beach from Memorial Day to Labor Day. They have summer houses up here where the wife and kids stay while hubbys commute back and forth to the city (read: fuck their secretaries in their wife's house). I should shut my hole and just be thankful they spend their money here and help boost our economy...but, really...we're talking about me and my no-filter of a mouth. Now, I have lived in LB my whole life (except for the 4 1/2 years I escaped to Texas...but I got sucked back) and you would think that the locals would have some sort of advantage....but noooooo....these FIPs roll in with their big-ass SUVs and park in 2 spots at the grocery store.....drive down Lake Shore Drive (LSD) like fucking Indy race car drivers...and think they shit gold bouillons and that we should bow down to them. Well, you know what? Fuck You. (I just want to add here that a lot of these summer people are actually very nice and I actually consider some of them friends...key word being "some") Fuck You, all, unless you want to hire me and my boys to build you a house....then I'll kiss your gold-producing-shit-ass.....